Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Bliss "Sometimes" Arises.

Perhaps "I'm" falling in love with it, after all. It's seemingly a lot to take, giving up totally, having no choice because there is no one to choose, just life doing its thing. All sense of security goes away, it's all happening in total free fall, but it's OK because there is no one who needs to feel safe. What arises is not that sense of utter bereavement, but a risky excitement. There is no one to take delivery of the excitement, it just is.
I've finally had some questions about all this. What a shame for our loved ones, someone said, that we might prefer not to exist. There is no one to prefer anything. This isn't about suicide, although those thoughts can come up along with everything else. This is about, for want of a better way to phrase it, clear seeing of reality. As both nothing and something, as aliveness playing at manifesting. Yet everything seems to carry on, it only ever did. I just put a dream-self onto it. This tragedy is happening to me. I've scraped my knee. I feel terrible. I feel blissful, isn't this great, now I'm panicking because it'll never last. Here I am in the throes of addiction, the most intense form of seeking, when whatever just "is" is never "right" and must be changed. In fact it all just happened and there was a veil in front of it. In fact, these are only memories, little firings in my apparent brain, happening in this timelessness. I suppose timelessness is something even the mind can grasp. When is it now, exactly? "Then" is only memory, "to be" mere speculation. Just little firings of the synapses. The present never comes. How long does the present last? One nanosecond? Even a nanosecond can be broken down into smaller parts, a beginning, a middle, and an end. So there is only this. Just this, timeless being. And maybe, just maybe, what arises is some form of appreciation of it. Nothing matters, yet everything is a miracle. No panic. No need to hold onto the bliss, there is no one to hold onto it, but by God I'm going to enjoy it while it "lasts"!

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