Friday, 9 January 2009
The "Moment" of "Enlightenment."
Once this has been seen, it seems there is no going back. It's difficult to truly, really take it all very seriously anymore, although earnestness can still arise. There's no way to describe what appeared to happen, except to say it certainly wasn't the mind's idea of "awakening". I keep thinking of a concept I was holding onto while I was still here, longing to not be, longing to die psychologically, metaphysically, whatever: Jesus' entreaty to "Love thy neighbour as thyself." Well, perhaps he wasn't referring to those apparent individuals with low self esteem and suicidal tendencies. If I loved my neighbour as myself in that part of my story, I would have been trying to murder the neighbours regularly. It's funny what society pities rather than punishes. Suicidal people are helped, homicidal people are chastised. But it's something I thought I could do. Some way to act as if I was "awake" until I "awakened". Then I supposed I'd go around in a cloud of bliss, all problems solved by being moot, charismatically drawing the legions of hungry seekers to me with natural spiritual magnetism. What on Earth I thought I was going to do with them, I've no idea. I thought that I was on one side of awakening, and if I crossed the line somehow, I'd be awake. It's not like that. What is seen is that I was never not awake. That there is no one that needs to awaken because there is no one. This is being awake, this, exactly as it is. With all neuroses intact. With or without diligent practice. Drunk, sober, raving with lunacy, it doesn't matter what the story seems to be. The absolute stillness, the timeless consciousness, was always there, both underneath it all, and encompassing all of it. It is all of it. I was just looking at a little video snippet on a spiritual teacher's website, earnestly espousing the merits of this and that, looking at dreams, fixing our lives, being better people, sitting in silence and experiencing pure energy, blah blah blah. There's nothing wrong with all that, it just doesn't have anything to do with enlightenment. It screams and reinforces the existence of a separate person who can be taught by another separate person. It reinforces duality whilst purporting to teach oneness. All the time there is someone who seeks, the duality is reinforced. There's nothing wrong with any of that either, it is simply another interesting story of how some people earn a living. Freedom from self is always available, even behind the veil of separation, because it is already everything. It's all there is, there's no escaping, although apparent individuals try. Try very hard indeed. I see so many people for whom peace of mind is the goal. They meditate, they pray, they practice anything they can find that will still their mind and make their state of being a peaceful one. There is nothing wrong with an unpeaceful mind. But if the thought comes up that it might be nice to have some peace, and take some apparent action to bring that peace about, there's nothing wrong with that either. There's nothing wrong, despite appearance. There's nothing right, either. There's nothing.