Friday, 2 January 2009

Blah, Blah, Blah.

These words are unmitigated gobbledygook. All words are. The story can be very, very interesting. But the story is unnecessary. As tiny children, we were the story. Whatever it seemed to be. The tree was climbed, the wind was marveled at. When the one who seeks wholeness, the grown-up, drops away, it is seen that wholeness is all there ever was. So what, my mind chimed in for awhile. I have been in a desert, waiting to fall in love with it all. Now the unspeakable wonder of this becomes plain. There is no process, there is nothing happening to no one, but the story that seems to unfold is one of deepening. More and more personal identity falling away. It isn't more clearly seen, but it is more appreciated. There's no one here to stop it. The boundless wonder of this is clearer. And it's so normal, so obvious.

When this change in perception, or whatever we're calling it today, seemed to happen to "me", I was doing the washing up. I had a giant butcher knife in my hand. The knife seemed to change. It became utterly knifish, perfect in its knife-like-ness. I saw clearly that nothing exists. Just this ineffable absolute stillness and oneness, playing the game of seeing itself. Everything changed and nothing changed. I'm aware this sounds like complete nonsense, and so it is. Trying to talk about non-duality is exceptionally unrewarding. I don't expect anyone to "get" this, they are this. There is nobody that needs to "awaken," they are already "awake" but dream they are not. It's a difficult pill to swallow. Separate people will fight hard to deny that there is no one, no separate will, no responsibility, no process of becoming a whole and complete person. The neuroses, the addictions, the cruelties, however repugnant, are perfect just as they are. Astounding. Yet no one needs to do anything. There is no one who ever chose to do anything, there is just life, consciousness, whatever, seeing itself. It is amazing, and it never went away.

2 comments:

msayers said...

I've started reading your blog from the beginning, and I'm fascinated! What a journey, huh? It seems as it has affected your home life, and I'm afraid of that happening to "me" (if I ever am able to drop the "me"). Just curious... had you read, or studied any Advaita material before you realized? I have read Nisargadatta Maharaj and Ramana Maharshi, as well as all the web regulars, many of whom you link to, but I just haven't had the ah-ha moment yet. It's amazing to read your journey.

No One In Particular said...

If what happens seems to affect your home life, those apparent others in your family need that to happen; it is the perfect invitation for them to see that all is one. Or however we're describing it today. I didn't read anyone except a bit of J. Krishnamurti, which I disliked because he was always so negative about what is. Something seemed to happen, and the only word I had to describe it was the f-word, as in: what the f*** is this? How the f*** do I describe this to anyone? Oh, f*** it, who cares. Then I stumbled upon Tony Parsons here in London and got some decent words that seemed to fit as well as any. Such is the sum total of my apparent practice, as well as a course of deep therapy with a shrink who saw a spiritual teacher and sort of re-introduced the concept of awakening. Please don't worry. The ah-ha moment might happen at any time, there's nothing "you" can do to make it happen that doesn't reinforce the dream. In the "meantime," I've read a bit of your site, and got a flavour of you and your loved ones and how much they care, and if that's the circumstances of your story, you could do a lot worse!