It Starts To Make Sense...Maybe That's A Bad Sign.

It seems that the confusing thing about all this - nothing wrong with confusion - is that there is, now, rising is awareness, things that are mutually exclusive. Things co-exist that are opposed to each other. In my apparent inner life, this would be feeling absolutely magnificent and like nothing, not existing at all. Being no one, and being a strong character, one that in fact seems to get quirkier all the time. Feeling terribly alone and feeling that I am everybody, that the sense of existence is shared, that it is in fact the same thing. Being two and being one, simultaneously. The mind can't make head of tail of it, but behind all the chatter is that stillness, the profound consciousness that is all, including the chatter.

It's finally beginning to seem like the biggest practical joke ever, like some people mention. I feel inclined to laugh when I take the play of life terribly seriously. Taking it terribly seriously is just fine, by the way. All this life - my particular story - it's all been meaningless, except in it's mere existence, and what I've been desperately searching for has been under my nose the whole time. All that - for nothing! All that - nothing! No need to struggle to understand what is ineffable, but by God it still seems I try. Trying happens, anyway. No one guides it, no one needs to understand it, it is marvelously whole and perfect. Even when it seems it is not.

Bloody hilarious.