Tuesday, 1 December 2009

My Fear Hath Catch'd Your Fondness: Now I See The Mystery Of Your Loneliness.

You could say that awareness isn't dependent upon consciousness. Awareness is, always, whether or not there are bits of electricity firing away in the brain to produce a solid reference point that is identified with. Whether those reference points are there or not, "corrupted" or not (as with brain injury, delusional psychosis, etc), awareness - life - always is. The small thing we seem to be is a convenience, perfectly crafted by itself to apprehend itself, with "aberrations" (altered states of mind, hallucinations etc.) thrown in for variety. Without consciousness, you are that indefinable thing variously labeled awareness, God, presence, Sunyata etc., not a thing, but some essence that simply is, and isn't bound by time or space. And that's what you are, completely boundless, infinite, and eternal, whether you like it or not.

So why do so many feel it as such a horrible thing? Probably because the reflection of the infinite - what we know as day to day life - has taken on the identity of Totality, and as each day to day story of a life comes to an end, we can't take the thought of not existing in what we believe is the only way. Fear of death, in other words. The small self loves to exist - it doesn't want to not exist. It's very understandable.

The possible "good" thing is - the reflection is no less "one" than the indefinable essence, awareness, that it reflects. Splitting it into two - awareness and reflection - is a head's up that the mind is involved, splitting away (as is its job). Take any concept with a massive grain of salt, no matter how brilliant, or simple, or direct, or seemingly "The Truth". When we just get on with it, be it, do it, think whatever we think without picking it to bits - and actually there's nothing wrong with picking it to bits - life is more smoothly lived, with less apparent suffering. And suffering itself is part of the appearance as well. Whatever it is that seems to be happening, it happening just as it must. If the small self can somehow let go of needing to be in charge of it, it can be much more efficient...but it doesn't need to be "more efficient". It only needs to be exactly as it is, or as it seems.

So many people want to train themselves to see what's right in front of their noses, and, in fact, is their nose, and the seeing of it. They are tortured by their thoughts. Well...remember that what we're calling "themselves" is probably the ego, suffering from a rather grandiose case of mistaken identity. There can certainly arise a story of the ego doing its best to train itself to see thoughts as objects, and the objects are not what you are etc., but maybe it's an easier story to just ignore those pesky thoughts. "My" thoughts can do what they like - doesn't bother me a bit. They're not "my" thoughts. They're just thoughts. Awareness is, no matter what. One way of calming down the hyper mind (that is the tool of duality) is to think of your thoughts as oneness (awareness), "thought-ing". Again, whatever thoughts come up, or seem to, are what thoughts must come up. Nothing "wrong" with any of them.

People seem to make a big deal of the story of the "awakening moment" - it's something solid the ego can hold on to and wait for, deflecting its death for "another time". Well, just remember that "what happened for me" is just another nothingness, made apparently "real", and exists only as memory NOW. It's always now o'clock. My fevered (and tolerated) brain tends to put a story to it along the lines of "I realised what I had been looking for all this time was my life, just exactly as it is." There seemed to be a "shift" but not much of one. The thing that seemed to die was the need for whatever was happening to be anything else than exactly what it was. And what it was, and is, is just life toddling along as it always has, unresisted. Very, very, very, very simple! The mind will complicate it; the mind can try explain the mystery of life in any of a billion billion ways. I don't think awareness gives a flying fart whether awakening happens or not. It's just more dust in the wind, a tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing, but a hell of a lot of fun, and to be relished.

A good friend of mine (Mike over at http://thepeacefulself.com) says that the ego is comprised entirely of fear. That definitely strikes a chord. Perhaps this is a maxim: Anything you don't want, don't fight it. Go with it. Feel the fear. Actually, you don't have to do a thing...you just don't know it "yet"! And there is no yet. Awareness isn't hanging around, getting more aware while your thoughts fool around with trying to figure all this out. You are infinite, eternal, whole, complete and perfect NOW. There is only now. Full stop. And whatever it is you're looking for, it's not what you imagine it to be...boxing it in will keep it ever elusive...and paradoxically, boxing it in and trying to figure it all out is just perfect too. You're doing it. You've done it. You're here, even if "here" is doubts and pain and suffering and financial instability and bereavement. This. Is. It.

48 comments:

No Plane Zen said...

Fear and awe.

Nicholas (Conscious Flex) said...

Very Clear :)You're appreciated or I am, or no-one is but appreciation arises, or is it all the above LOL

Words are silly and fun, they mean nothing and are said by nobodies and it doesn't matter which ones are used or not used at all.

But whatever, the dream or lucid dream continues as nothing happening to nobody for no reason. How easy and simple to just relax when there is nothing behind anything, just this.

Much Love Suzy

claudia said...

This post is simply far out, Suze, taking the mind in vertiginous circles to it's very dead end, all this in your boundless style.
It's always nice to come and sunbathe a bit on your blog-site, and relax in it's warm radiance from the hard advaita work, haha

No One In Particular said...

Hi Claudia, thanks, it can be a story of hard work or a story of ease - it really doesn't matter.

claudia said...

Ah Suze, always taking the wind out of the story's sailboat...

No One In Particular said...

Hey Claudia, nice analogy.

Bas said...

Hi suzanne,
What a nice way to start the day, up to the building site now and enjoy every moment of it.

Bas

Léon said...

Suzanne,
see you soon in Chicago on...never not here!:-)

Julian said...

The laughing and the joking is good(not clever stuff,just natural delight), the only appropriate response. Like saying 'what does it matter anyway'. I mean how can a nondualist say 'Is's all one'. How can you know this? It's just a mental projection - what a lot of our words feel like, hollow, a game of intellectual table tennis; us trying to be clever. If you KNOW it is all one, wouldn't it consciously feel like it? If you KNOW, would words be coming at all - who Knows.....anything about THIS. So the fun is good, the love is even better!

No One In Particular said...

Hey Julian, whatever it is your mind is doing to hold on...whatever your ego needs to do to not die...is just fine.

Brenda (betaphi) said...

I'm thinking little boxes of This.Is.Its and now o'clocks would make lovely holiday gifts.

Anonymous said...

have watched your wonderful conscioustv interview.
love the way you "communicate" this without "teaching" it.
here is truly a voice from the midst of everyday life!
thank you.

No One In Particular said...

Hi Brenda, good idea! My husband is particularly hard to shop for. And Anonymous, thanks for the kind words...and for saying I don't teach!

No One In Particular said...

Leon, see ya. Or whatever it is we're actually doing.

Sizzzle said...

Hi Anonymous, you speak for me too...... I've so been enjoying and appreciating visiting this lovely place.......Sizzzle

No One In Particular said...

Hi Sizzzle, thanks for stopping by.

Sizzzle said...

Hi no-one, it is my pleasure......the atmosphere here feels delicious... been kinda sipping the pictures and text like fine wine......feeling woozy,soothed,smiling,dreamy,yumm.
Very appreciative,
Sizzle

claudia lüthi said...

wow, sizzzle you will have to add a few more 'z' to your name...

Sizzzle said...

Hi Claudia.....you make me laugh with that.......any more zed's and this body might dissolve or explode right now I reckon.

Discovering this blog page has had an effect ....... I'm a bit "blown-away" at the minute. I've only read a few lines here really......maybe it's the artwork.....I don't know.....seems that other people like it here too.

Maybe if I say that what i've read here seems to have loosened up what could be described as a kind of experiential rigidy (frigidity?) that had formed from listening to too much N.D. sang;

All seems magically imbued at the minute.....even turbulence and nose-diving when it happens;(Like when the plane drops a few hundred feet, and there's that weird sensation where your stomach should be, until it finds it's way back). Don't know about you but that kind of thing happens a lot here.

Anyway, it's nice to make your acquaintance Claudia....thanks for saying hi to me.....my name's Barry actually......I chose sizzzzle because when I was registering that's how this body was feeling (still is)

Very best wishes to you from me. x

claudia said...

Thank you Barry Sizzzle.
Experiences have no meaning whatsoever (ask Suze). Experiencing is all there is. For instance, right now, I am watching my old life falling into pieces, whilst this dream character called Claudia is "limping down the road, bleeding all over the place", hahaha...

Fernando Rozas said...

Hi, Suzanne
Do you have a name for your book?
Cheers

Wellness Education Institute said...

hey, sue!

i love it (as usual).

ego = fear = separation = false sense of separation = negativity = relativity = individuality = materiality...

...which lends itself to oppositiciality...

...which is an illusion, of sorts :)

your take is BEAUTIFUL- that this isn't horrible, that reflections are okay, and that All of It is Perfect, no matter what.
:)
smiling in charlotte,
lenman

Anonymous said...

I'm right'now' seeing you, Suzanne, on your 11/29/09 Never Not Here program. You look a picture of color (you really an artist) and with dark eyes that appear as if lasers are shooting out of my PC Screen. Very nice, good show!

Jackson

No One In Particular said...

Fernando, struggling (apparently) with that a bit but the blog title will probably do, and it has name recognition as well. Claudia, sorry to hear you're suffering...can only think to say that the story of my life, filled with that bleeding you mention, is the most fantastic story; wouldn't trade the suffering for anything. Lenny, yes, I suppose even my frenetic mind has stopped looking for utopia. And Jackson, thanks Dude, my needy ego really appreciates it! Well, not so needy anymore.

Sizzzle said...

Hi Claudia, you've reminded me of this -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWFm9cj42xU

hope you like.....your laugh makes me laugh.
Barryx

claudia said...

Hey Barry, that's a wonderful song -thank you, it comes right in the perfect moment like the sizzzle of the wings of compassion.

And yes, Suze, you are absolutely right. After all, I love my story and cherrish it and wouldn't want to trade it for anything, for it is totally inseparable from what I am.

Anonymous said...

My Suzanne: You've made yourself an 'authority' by "comment moderation." How does that work with no fear?

No One In Particular said...

Hey Anonymous, not so much fear as annoyance! Occasionally I get comments along the lines of "U so fine baby I'd reely like to shag ya" which I feel probably don't do much to add to the debate on nonduality, point out the boundlessness that we are, or seem in any way to need to be published. Judgments do arise, however briefly! However, it's also handier to have them all listed for moderation when I get to the computer, easier to "find" them as they are sometimes on older entries and that way I can answer them easily if answering them seems to come up. Anything challenging I go ahead and publish without exception; in fact, would like to see more challenges in the comments. So please feel free to say "you are so full of bulls*** Suzanne" and I'll happily publish it!

Fernando Rozas said...

Well, Suzanne, I will be (just for a moment) "the devil's advocate":
If everything is perfect just as it is, then what?
Why not read the newspapers and make money and forget all the 'non duality' bullshit?
(I know some some 'people' think along these lines).
cheers

No One In Particular said...

Hey Fernando, forgetting, not forgetting, reading the newspaper, reading nothing, making money, dropping out of society...or still seeking...whatever seems to come up...just perfect. Only the gift of thoughts and feelings can guide the apparent mind/body thingy to whatever (meaningless but fascinating) "end". And none of it's actually happening! WOW.

claudia said...

Here's one regarding the so called "awakening to the truth" (and I throw this in for mere fun, since I understand that - ultimately - it is of no importance).
You say: "there is nothing that one can do", and the only dude who REALLY points to the ineffable (like you call him) says: "yes there is: witness the disappearance of thought... observe the disappearance of the witness" (which is not actually a doing, but more like an active seeing, a shift of focus, so to speak).
Now, if you are a seeker lost in space with no clues, after having tried this and that all in vain and know for certain that there is no control and no hope and no becoming - yet you feel still separate, or better, stuck on a limbo - this directive is like the light at the end of the tunnel. And the noticing and experiencing of the spaceousness beyond thought is the most awesome and actually unspeakable liberation - even if it's experienced for just a "brief moment". It is, so it seems, a huge difference to just keep telling myself over and over again that I am perfect just the way I am...

No One In Particular said...

Hi Claudia, clearing the mind of thought isn't an option for some apparent people; the mind is just frenetically busy, no matter what. But even if, in the stillness of no thought, boundlessness is more obvious, and it stays that way or not, or there isn't an option of no thought, or the thoughts seem to come and go - there is nothing, that is not oneness. Even the resistance to it is oneness, in a less-than-obvious guise. There are no goals, not even enlightenment. And the biggest revelation of all is that there isn't any such thing as enlightenment - there isn't any such thing as anything. All those trials and tribulations on the road to awakening are more stories, happening in time. Some pointers work better for some minds than others; for some, noticing the absence of a witness "works"; for others, simply knowing that whatever seems to be going on, there is only this, now, is the last moment in time ever meaningfully experienced. Everybody has this; everybody is this. All these pointers are so much dust, so many concepts. Life is here always.

Lune said...

how's the ironing? I got my ironing board set up in my new place yesterday - back to some kind of normalcy it seems x x x

No One In Particular said...

I swear, to no one from nothing, that I will catch up on the damnable ironing TODAY! There is only here...there is only now...and in that endless moment...the ironing is never done.

clueless said...

Hi folks, I love listening to you you two talking (Claudia-Suzanne) I'm a frenetic mind type. The closest I seem to get to feeling liberated is the simple obvious-ness that what is happening here right now could never be, nor need be other than it is, and I'm not doing any of it.
For me this is a mystery. I know that I don't "know" anything for sure. I have no doubt that if more is to happen, it will and I don't need to be concerned about that. It is unfolding.
I feel like a child in the unknown. Apart from functional things I have no reliable formulas for how to be or what to do, and often surprised to see things happening that defy previously held concepts about how things work.
"This" can make anything happen in anyway it wants.......it's as though I'm being whispered to "take your your hands off the wheel and see what happens"; that sense is getting stronger and stronger..........it can be amazing, exhilarating, unsettling at times, deliciously fun at times, deeply beautiful at times. disorientating, terrifying, raw etc etc etc.
The posts here have been spoken to me by the whispering.
There's a conscious tv interview with Wayne Liquorman in which he describes a metaphor of Ocean and wave. Wayne calls his explanations poetry. The writings here have that effect upon me. The poetics feed into imagination, which is where this "i" seems to predominantly hang out, and has an effect of dissolving sense of wave-ness to ocean-ness more or less in a moment, and an overall welcome sense of lightness all the time.
That kind of bullshit I like!
Barry.

Lune said...

Its kinda nice to leave some things undone though.

No One In Particular said...

Hey clueless, wherever you go...there you are. And Lune, there's always many, many, many, many things undone without the frigging ironing being one of them!

claudia said...

Thank you Suze! It is suddenly SO clear, that whatever one says or thinks, all the "buts" and "ifs", every single argument against or in favor of this or that, the most elaborate and sublime intelectual constructs and the dumbest, idiotic utterance - it is all an expression of THIS ONE intelligence. And however one might twist and turn it, there is no way out or in of THIS. There is no one that could investigate or surrender or get it or not get it. All the apparent struggling and striving reveals finally to be only THIS. . There is nothing apart or besides or beyond of THIS. Holy Cow! This. Is. It.

No One In Particular said...

Hi Claudia, YAYYYYYY!!!!! The only time is time for fun...but I'm wondering if trying to order the right phone for my son on the right network with the right deal on a glitchy website (the only one that offers the perfect deal) will possibly un-awaken me? AAAAAAAAH! AND the ironing is still just sitting there. Is this all fabulous or what?

claudia said...

Ha! Suze, your kidding, no thing could possibly un-awaken you, hahaha...
And the ironing has not the least urgence to be done - it is in itself totally and completely indifferent. What remains is this suspense: will Suze do the ironing or won't she? (All bets will return to their origin).

No One In Particular said...

It is lovely, frustration, annoyance, fizzing away, being frustation and annoyance. It is very much appreciated.

Lisa (Mommy Mystic) said...

First off, just noticed the massive disclaimer on the end of your site - has that always been there?? What happened?? Hard to read that and not be interested in what prompted it:-) People are strange. (And desperate.)
But back to the post. Lovely, really. Like a lovely sword slicing through.

No One In Particular said...

Hi Mommy, that's been there except for the first three months of the blog, put it there because it seemed prudent...I guess Suzanne is prudent! Also have a long (apparent) history of therapy, and it's there more to perhaps encourage that route for those who are depressed and suicidal...everything is available. And thanks for the commentary...it is appreciated!

Fernando Rozas said...

Hi, Sue, about the disclaimer mentioned by Lisa...
Well, I will not say a word, just see these videos:
http://www.cchr.org/#/videos/where-the-truth-lies
cheers

No One In Particular said...

Hi Fernando, fascinating. It so happens that many patients, or clients of therapists, are never diagnosed, but listened to and loved until there seems no choice to believe they must be worthy...that worth is internalised by the ego...finally the ego is convinced of the right to exist...and many things, including the stripping back of the ego and the realisation of its illusory nature, are possible. I never paid a penny for my therapy. But these sorts of stories, about the illuminati keeping us in our place to take our money and resources, are stories like any others, including the stories of redemption that happen so often in therapy. In fact, nothing is happening.

clueless said...

Something from that renowned and notorious therapista, Dr. Leonard Cohen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0j14GrB-u8&feature=fvw

best wishes to you all
Barry

Fernando Rozas said...

Yes, Suzanne, I get your point.
BUT, story or not, PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS are highly toxic and dangerous. I know many 'body/mind organisms' who were literally destroyed by these infamous drugs.
(Of course, what we truly are cannot be destroyed. Never.).
Cheers

No One In Particular said...

Hey Fernando, I've known many people helped by psychoactive drugs, of which there are hundreds in many drug categories, and shouldn't be lumped together as "dangerous". We are not doctors - certainly I'm not, and I suspect you're not either. Let's not get into recommending whether people take their meds!