Wednesday, 22 April 2009
As One, In Suffering All, That Suffers Nothing.
There are so many seekers just desperate to awaken. They suffer, and the suffering is what is. Perhaps there is an experience of "awakening" or "enlightenment;" for me, it seemed to be staring at a knife while washing up, the knife becoming more itself, perfectly knifish, life knifing. It was accompanied by some vision of All, constantly reforming, here, not here, here, not here. The idea of time seemed ludicrous, and just that: an idea. There seemed to be infinite space and no space, and the knife and everything that seemed to be happening - the kitchen, my body, my thoughts (not a lot of those) and my feelings (which were akin to "whoa!" as uttered by Bill and Ted on their excellent adventure) were very obviously constructs, just there, but really, really there; and yet not there at all. Such was my "ah ha" moment, very difficult to describe, and not unlike a lot of others that seem to occur. But the important thing about that for my character, I suppose, is that it wasn't some Great Happening. It was as profound as walking down the street and stepping over dog poo, holding my newborn children for the first time, watching an episode of Damages on television (what a fantastic plot!), sitting through a horrifically vivid post traumatic stress flashback, or glancing at reflections in shop windows as I walk down the street. It absolutely doesn't matter what seems to be happening. Whatever events are depicted in the film, they are composed of light.