Saturday, 7 March 2009
It Just Looks Different.
This is wholeness, this is everything you ever thought you've been looking for. This is all there is. Even the feelings of unworthiness and incompleteness are wholeness. It is overwhelmingly obvious, yet paradoxically not easily seen. There is nothing else, this is it. There may be thoughts of Australia (if Australia is not apparently where you are), but Australia doesn't exist, there is just this. It is everything. You may fly to Australia, but there is still just this - it only looks different. It's difficult, there seems to be a location, there seems to be a person where the awareness is focused, but there is no location. Just whatever is, arising, for no one. Memories come up of when I struggled with this, when there was still someone struggling to not be herself. Nothing changed. I just suddenly realised - or saw - that this is what I had been searching for my entire life, it had been there all along, just everything exactly as it is. The quality of everything changed, yet nothing changed. It's not about accepting what is, or being content with "your" lot. Those ideas can make the separation from everything seem more bearable. But even the unbearableness is wholeness. Whatever the thought, feeling or appearance, there is nothing wrong with it, it is what it must be. Even the discontentedness with it is wholeness. There is no getting away from oneness, or whatever we happen to label it. It is the biggest thing, it is the only thing. Freedom from the bondage of self is astonishing, wonderful, yet also miserable, uncomfortable, it can be anything, there is no surety, there is no bargaining with it. But it is boundless, unfettered by time or space. It is all there is. There was never any "hole in my soul"; I merely believed there was. Now there is no one to believe. "How can this be enough?" I wondered, in separation. It is.