Saturday, 21 November 2009

It Must Be An Answer Of Most Monstrous Size That Must Fit All Demands.


I can't know what to seek if I don't know what it is I'm seeking in the first place.

Whatever form the mind projects onto seeking, making it an object or objective, what always is sought is home; what is sought is whatever is missing. Whatever is missing is often given a convenient name, like "happiness" or "security" or "truth". But what is sought is always this: to be an integral part of creation, rather than a lonely, separate, fearful, boxed-in, limited prisoner of ourselves.

If I'm sad, I seek happiness. It's easy to take the thing that needs to be changed, figure out its opposite, and then do what you have to do to get it. But I'm not sad anymore; I just want more. There is something more and I can't get away from it. To tell you the truth, I can't define what it is that makes me want more. If I can't define that then I have no idea what to look for.

That inchoate (unspecific) longing is simply the desire to belong, to come home, to no longer be a separate person.

What is enlightenment?

The realisation that everything is awareness, made manifest for the mere joy of it. There is only awareness, oneness, one unified whole; the appearance and ego are just here so that awareness can apprehend itself.

What do I really want?

To feel that there is nothing missing.

I seek enlightenment, yet I really don't have any idea what that is. What I am really looking for the thing most important to me more than anything else, is inner peace. For some reason I got the idea that enlightenment is a sense of deep and abiding peace. But does it really matter if I am "enlightened" As long as I have the peace I want that's all that matters, right?

"Enlightenment" doesn't guarantee "inner peace" because turmoil is a part of Everything too. However if the ego isn't taken seriously by itself anymore, many of the reasons for turmoil are moot, because the ego-structure doesn't have to bear its remarkable case of mistaken identity anymore; it doesn't have that huge burden of being All.

And it doesn't matter if you are enlightened. In fact, what you probably know as you - the ego structure - can't be enlightened. Enlightenment is seeing through the ego. And nothing matters; there is no meaning; the appearance, reality manifest, is play. Simply play. Meaningless play, where every apparent manifestation is a miraculous feat of existence.

Now that I know what I most desire, I'm still wondering what I am actually looking for. What is the opposite of this vague "wanting more"? What is enlightenment?

Put another way, the opposite of "wanting more" is seeing that whatever is, is enough...more than enough...whole and complete, just as it is, whatever it is.

Is it abiding inner peace?

It is simply seeing what is, and there is nothing that finds it wanting.

Is it detachment?

It is direct presence, without taking the machinations of the mind, thoughts, and ego-concerns too seriously. You are always in direct presence of absolute reality; in fact, you are absolute reality. Perhaps more intense than detached, although detachment can come up just like everything else.

Is it Oneness with All?

You are already Oneness with All. In fact, you are All.

Knowing oneself to be God?

Maybe God is a difficult concept, with a lot of baggage. Perhaps knowing yourself to be the whole Universe, both creator and creation, is a slightly better way of putting it.

Is there a point to seeking?

Not exactly. There is no point to anything, other than its intrinsic value in simple existence.

The only reason we seek for anything in the first place is because we think it will get us somewhere. It's completely the Ego!

The ego is just doing its job. The ego might like to grab hold of Totality and keep it, but Totality is too much for it.

The ego says "I need to feel better and this enlightenment stuff will make me feel better."

Maybe the ego can say "Ya know, I can bear not feeling better. Not feeling better is just fine." And with that, perhaps there is acceptance, and letting go...the ego can perhaps let go of itself. And the ego can also go right ahead and do its job, negotiating through the convenience of time and its story. The story might change to something "better", or it might not. But a full, whole and complete human existence is certainly always available. The "bad stuff" is seen perhaps not as something to be avoided, and not exactly enjoyed...but appreciated, even relished. And certainly, there can be a lot less fear.

I get fed up with the Advaita stuff.

It is frustrating, the futility of Oneness not being able to see itself because it already is Itself. But what's wrong with frustration?

So what is the question?

Maybe the question is: why do I have to feel "better"?

Whatever the question, the answer is always the same...
This. Is. It.


Nicholas (Conscious Flex) said...

I am loving 'your' pointing style!

No One In Particular said...

Nicholas, thank you! Yah, I know what you morphs...for awhile it seemed a bit fuzzy...mind seeming to step in and try to organise all apparent action seems more spontaneous, instinctive, and so does the pointing...but I love those mental calisthenics too!

Christine said...

Thanks for expanding on my blog post! This is great! I got way more of an answer than I expected would ever come out of writing that. :)

Maury said...

Nice work! Excellent dialog. When the teacher is ready, the students will appear. Goes both ways.

No One In Particular said...

Whew! Glad it's ok with you. Thanks for being just exactly what you are, writing what you do, and asking what must be asked.

Ekhmm said...

I've seen the interview with you on ant it was awsome. I like such kind of expression like you did, normal and without "spiritual slang".
By the way, i dont speak english very well so i can't state everything that i'd like to say ; ), so... great blog, i'v read all posts from beginnig to june 2009 and it's like a good book.

No One In Particular said...

Hey Maury...SHUT UP!!

Just kidding, there is no one to teach...and how can anyone teach anyone to be?

However, the game can take a lot of forms!

And Ekhmmm, thanks for spending so much precious time on it. Now get out there and LIVE!

Ekhmm said...

No problem : )

Léon said...

In a way,what has to die is seriousness!and yet this non duality stuff is so damn serious sometimes!:-)

No One In Particular said...

Hi Leon - agreed.

Fernando Rozas said...

Hi Suzanne,
This is from 'Voces' (Voices), by an argentinian poet:
"En esta selva de números que llaman mundo, llevo un cero a modo de linterna." (Antonio Porchia)
love, fernando
(for sure, you can translate it better than I would)

No One In Particular said...

Hi Fernando, the best I can do is:

In this jungle of numbers called the world, zero is my torch.

Very nice indeed.

Julian said...

Is this the same as having open hands, or open hands arising, like a babies in a cot, all playful, or is this saying too much? It would be great to get to that zero point...or not.

No One In Particular said...

Julian, you're there.

Anonymous said...

You do a great job keeping the lingo out of it! And you're not wearing crazy hats either. We need a good dose of common sense enlightenment every once in a while, and what you say never feels so lofty and arrogant. Just right.

No One In Particular said...

Geez Louise Mike! What a very nice thing to say! Appreciated - much.

Fernando Rozas said...

Hi, Suzanne, and thanks for the beautiful translation.
I’ve found this dialog between a ‘seeker’ and a well known advaita teacher. Could you clarify this?
Q: So every sad and frustrating self centred, mind on fire with self deprecating thoughts experience is no different than any other grand 'awakened' experience. Is it?
A: Again in theory, from the absolute level, this is correct. However, in actual experience suffering is the rejection of the current situation. How can one truly be suffering, that is, rejecting the current situation, and at the same time, honestly say that this suffering is completely accepted? How can one reject and accept the same situation at the same time? One cannot. What has actually happened in this case is that a superficial belief in non-duality has been veneered over our much deeper belief and feeling in duality, that is, over our suffering. In fact such a belief is simply a conventional avoidance of suffering under a spiritual guise.

No One In Particular said...

Hey Fernando, I'm lazy so thanks for that, I'll incorporate whatever clarification comes up into the next blog entry tomorrow.

Fernando Rozas said...

There's an interesting discussion about this in the section Questions & Answers in Rupert Spira's site...

Fernando Rozas said...

Oh... I'm sorry, I forgot to say it's the Question 53.
Thank you again.

Wellness Education Institute said...


seeyourself said...

You said:
"What is enlightenment?

The realisation that everything is awareness, made manifest for the mere joy of it. There is only awareness, oneness, one unified whole; the appearance and ego are just here so that awareness can apprehend itself."

But Aren't these all stories?
Isn't the truth more like the absence of any possible truth?
I mean... isn't the truth more like... nothing to hold onto and no one to do the holding? But I don't mean "nothing" or "no one"... but rather neither the presence nor absence of any answer and any questioner??

I personally suffer, so I must not believe what I know to be true...
How exasperating:~/


No One In Particular said...

Hi seeyourself, they're all stories when the mind is involved...and it usually is. It's good when the mind is involved, when you're booking tickets or driving a car! Or decided, apparently, how to tell your erring husband to please pick his disgusting socks up off the floor and deposit them in the dirty laundry, you are not his paid valet.

You don't have to believe. You don't have to do anything, except, perhaps, give up trying to figure all this stuff out.

Love, Suzanne