I was listening to a friend describe his life; it was unbelievably profound, and went roughly like this: "...My work is patchy, and it's a pretend job anyway, the kind of thing your dad always told you to be ready to ditch at any moment because you'd never make a living at it - I don't really pay enough attention to my kids, which are the main thing and I know it - and I really think I'm messing up my marriage in a big way - I'm too lazy, I don't do even half of what I could in a day - and I'm not nice enough to people..." And here he paused, with commendable comic timing, and continued:"...But so what?"
Oh, how we laughed!
That black hole, that void, that cause of all existential crises, the sure knowledge that life is meaningless inasmuch as the story of it is concerned, that nothingness that is reality – it’s a big bummer for the persona. The mysterious life force, the awareness that everything arises in, that which seems to animate reality, and the dead body at a funeral that is the proof of manifestation’s transience, will never be understood fully by the mind; although in the story of humanity, there are plenty of scientists and philosophers that give it a good go. That animating force that a corpse lacks - despite having the same mass as when it was Auntie Jane - is simply what you are, what is expressed by everything, and the mind can’t really grasp it because it’s what the mind arises in. But what consciousness can do, in witnessing the mind’s take on it – the take on it can be:
“Well, so what?”
And there, in that sort of complete letting go, absolute acceptance, cosmic f*** it, is the freedom that eludes the mind. Then, slowly, what arises is a chuckle, then maybe a slightly hysterical belly laugh.
Because all of that taking it oh so seriously that the persona was doing – the ego taking itself to be everything – is seen for the absurdity it is.
The ego will die. The small “me” will die. It can die right now. Death of the body and mind isn’t death of what they arise in. And those struggles and conniptions and flashes of bliss and happiness that are humanity can be truly relished, by themselves, by just doing what happens…which is all anyone ever does anyway.
43 comments:
That's odd, I was talking to a friend tonight too and she said something to the effect of:
"All the purpose runs out, you are left with nothing to do with your life, you feel unfulfilled by accomplishments, you feel like a nobody, nothing ads up to anything in life, this is going to be it for the rest of your life, you just know somehow that it will not get any better than this and you are sure of it because you did everything you thought you cared about already, there is no escape this emptiness."
She is 56. She said I don't understand because I am too young but when I get older I will see. I think she is going through what people call a "mid-life crisis" and the funny thing is that I knew exactly what she was talking about because I went through it already
*laughs*
The thought arose that the mid-life crisis is the greatest blessing anyone could have because it is showing them their true self, seeing life the way it really is and that is the greatest gift of all.
The gift of a meaningless life that can be lived without consequences taken seriously and you get to be completely and fully nobody, nobody to hang-onto and no path to follow. How marvelously easy.
Hey Nicholas, you always have something fantastic to say. Whereas I just compliment your hair!
Thanks for the provocative post and comment. Ordinarily, one thinks, "I am living my life." Of course, the "I" and "my life" are concepts. Only the "livING" is actual.
You're cute Suzy. Any comment by you is always appreciated and also even if you don't comment, you are always appreciated anyhow because I know that you read every post and I know that you are very supportive of me (of course the you's and me's are used very lightly). Obviously in the end it doesn't really matter anyhow who is supportive of who and there is no end so it doesn't matter now.
There just isn't much to say to each other when you see that Silence (or whatever label) is everything.
Trust me, I have a very difficult time commenting on your posts too. I find myself often with the comment box open trying to leave a comment so I can be supportive of you but nothing coming out (these conditioned body/minds move in funny ways huh?)
I laugh when I imagine you are doing the same thing there. How silly this life is.
I just happen to have something 'fantastic' to say on this post because the post matched my recent experience of talking with a friend too that had similar things to say as your friend.
How about we make a pact to only comment if something arises? That way we make it easier on the both of us. We both appreciate each other and there is nothing to prove. We don't have to prove our appreciation to each other (of course, as if there is anything to prove anyhow).
You are loved and appreciated by me always Suzy *hugs* Thank you for being exactly who you are.
Disconnected.
At two:
she grows with daisies,
sings with birds and
babbles with brooks.
At three:
she chases the wind,
hugs trees and
dances with sunbeams
At four she swings on stars,
slides down rainbows and
swims the milky way.
At five;
she is told
she is a person.
She is still recovering.
Wrote this when I was 17. Holds true still today.
Hey Nicholas...fine, I'll sign the pact, but because my conditioning is to blather on saying very little, I'll probably always have something to say about your posts!
Hey Tapestry...the recovery is just fantastic. Even if "you" don't recover!
Suzanne,
Loved this post. I can feel the light-heartedness. Good for a rainy weekend. I think this will be my mantra for the day "But so what!"
Hi Suzanne, love your Princess Di hair do.
So what (nanannanana nanananana....my kids favourite song.....Pink....she's great.
Laughter is the first step to getting no where in particular..... and its definitely the hardest step of all. Getting it that the self importance, entitlement and attachment are causing so much suffering, and laughter undoes the lot.
On Friday I watched a flock of birds flying in a spiral that was exactly like a DNA helix. they maintained the pattern for a while then it evaporated to the next one equally complex 'flock' pattern. It was totally beautiful and I was mesmerised. I also laughed out loud.
Nicholas I agree so much with you that a midlife crisis is the absolutely best thing that can happen to anyone. The more Ive moved to unimportance and insignificance the happier and more compassionate life becomes, because it always was full of love but I realise it because i was so far up my own arse I didnt see it.
It is for me an odd paradox that those people who seem to have it all suffer the most because they actually believe the bullshit that they created their own successful lives, and then have to hold on so tightly to every little bit. Misery is trying to reverse entropy, it cant be done, You cant step twice in the river and no matter how much we hold on, change is the only permanence.
My 'I' is like that flock of birds a flowing river of change, a river flowing to the source of being.
But who gives a f***. Maybe I should do the ironing.....
Hey Niyati (Sandi), that existential crisis (whether it happens midlife or not) is, in the story that appears to unfold, extremely useful.
Maybe a lot of people who "have it all" don't always have a crisis: they are too busy having a life!
Can you stop that ?
Talking about the blessing of mid-life crisis.
Whom can it be a blessing for ?
Certainly not for the family or friends around.
It's a blessing only for the little suffering self
because it feels so good when it stops !
And you can say the same about teenage crisis,
post-teenage crisis, old age crisis, and the end of life
crisis. From what I can see, life is an ongoing crisis
for the questioning, anguished, frustrated ego
as long as it does not see and accept that
the only problem is "itself".
B.
the people who 'have it all' for me are those who dont live in fear. Ive not met very many. Best I can manage is to admit how much fear runs my life.... & Im doing the best I can.
Fear is an in built preservative that helps to mantain the identity of an individual...allowing the story to go on
Hey Bernard, all things being relative...especially regarding your relatives!...we just don't know what's "good". We have no idea how the unfolding story will pan out. The gravest circumstance can seemingly set in motion a series of events that lead to personal revelation, healing, great joy, etc., all that stuff we want. And it doesn't matter what the story is at all. It only matters that we live it. And that's exactly what we're doing, whether it's in the form of existential crisis or coping with a suicidal relative going through an existential crisis.
It seems, perhaps, a maxim that resistance is suffering. So if ego is having a crisis...go with it. Maybe the ego's problem isn't itself; it is in the resisting of itself that seems counterproductive.
And paradoxically, you never know where counterproductive measures may lead!
Questioning, frustration, anguish...if that's what happening, that's what's happening.
You just can't stop it.
Hey Sandi and Anonymous...fear may indeed arise. So what?
Fear may arise...but has little weight for she who has no involvement
As children we played "hide and seek". What fabulous fun - we knew it was a game. And so, it continues. How exquisite is that?
Hey Anonymous, Yes.
And Tapestry, Yes it is.
Right. We do not know what's good, we do not know
how the story will unfold, that's why I wanted to say
that not every crisis can be said to be a blessing,
and this was an answer to something Nicholas wrote.
As for the ego's problem, or rather the ego-problem,
it is at once such a subtle, cruel and nonsensical one
don't you think ?
Hey Bernard, apparently it's a big, fat juicy problem, one you can really sink your teeth into...my favourite kind!
Not caring is a form of separation. When the heart truly cracks open, there is a lot caring because whatever moves is Love.
OMG Suzanne! I can't believe how cool that interview is. Things are really humming, with both of us.
It seems congratulations are in order for you too.
Hummmm...
You're sweet. Thanks a lot for encouraging my appetite :*)
Hey Anonymous, love is usually a narrow concept, informed by fear. Unconditional love includes everything, embraces everything, IS everything.
Hey Rian, thanks! Glad you enjoyed the interview...my vestigial ego surely enjoys being labeled "cool".
Hi Bernard, glad to apparently be of service. Keep it up! That hunger may never be satisfied, but hunger itself is great.
Well, it's very satisfying to contemplate the abyssal depth of reality, understand at a glance what cannot be possibly understood, discover that what was taken for granted : everyday life, everyday relationships constitutes in fact a complex, ever changing and meaningless miracle. May the ego-problem soak for eternity in this glorious soup and eventually dissolve. Thanks again Suzanne, have a nice day.
B.
Hey Bernard...LOVE the soup metaphor!
Héhé ! Soaking in the Soup :-)
What else can you call THAT !
Hi :)
what do you mean about the caps for emphasis?
Hi Jenya, oh you know, using caps a lot like so many writers about nonduality do...like:
In SEEING KNOWING is the essence: you are THAT. It IS ISNESS - and what IS, YOU are THAT. ETC.
Just a gentle ribbing, and yes I know that italics aren't always available!
I would say in this case that caps are symbolizing the Absolute, God, Oneness. In nondual talks, some quote marks are also very often used around "I", pointing to the fact that the one who's writing is an illusory subject, but so is everything else :
each and every word should then be written between quote marks :-) In nondual talk, one is playing with words, knowing that they are pointing to a reality that is beyond description. That's why some monks are trying to live in complete silence, believing that language is just a meaningless evil noise, and that God can reveal Himself only when they keep their mouths shut. That belief can be subject to discussion...Later.
Good night now.
Bernard
The conundrum of trying to use language to communicate That which cannot be known by the intellect alone. A felt knowing is just as ineffable yet even language and felt knowing is That.
"Simply the thing I am shall make me live" - this line one of the best pointers I've come across.
Wonderful Suzanne.
Hi Tapestry, yes. Language is entirely conceptual - but fun. And thank Bill Shakespeare for that pointer, and all the titles of my posts!
awww its nice to see that the pointer, seemed to point at the teachers who have begun to live in silence, such as Lao Tzu, Ramana Maharshi, etc. However even though realized that although words are meaningless, that some people need the pointer or the nudge through word. That although nothing real is transmitted through word that there is still this pull that happens, once the mind can no longer keep up its facade of "i know this and that."
Many teachers have tried to transmit through words that which cannot be conceptualized, and only through a giving up or surrender of the concept from the mind can the truth really be known...
Like Meister Eckheart said, "the eye is bereft of color, and because of this it is receptive of all color."
Love your way One Hand Ironing Suzanne. :)
One Hand Ironing...me likey!
yes i see what you mean about the caps...haha it is true, you bring up a good point, it seems as if these words are "closer" to "that" but really there is no word that is it. hahaha too funny.
sometimes there is sadness, that there really is nothing and sometimes it feels wonderful...thoughts come up as to why this is...ya know?
Hi Jenya, oh those silly thoughts. Just ignore them!
In the last week I saw myself tangled up in one of the silliest stories of my life. It was about a fight over ownership of a photographic project. My opponent was absolutely superior as for economcics, political experience and armaments in these matters and I knew that I could only loose. But my love and passion for that project, which was my idea and involved an object that belonged to me drove me to rush on and get deeper and deeper involved in an absolutely absurd and fierce battle for justice. And the deeper I got involved, the more desperate and absurd it became. At the same time, I was asking myself, why I was doing this, why I was mixed up in all this shit. Wasn't it that I have seen that there is no "me", no "you"? That everything is ONE? That, in reality, there is NO separation etc., etc.? And yet, I couldn't but go on with my solitary kamikaze thing, fightingt to the last bullet - I saw that I had absolutely no choice but to live what I was living. At the end, my opponent left me in an absolutely ridiculous state, less than a mentally disturbed poor devil in front of all participants... In that moment I had to laugh out loud - so what? Hahaha
Yes, whatever happens, it is meaningless. The question "why?" has no answer. Any answer that one might come up with is also meaningless. It takes always two to fight. And where does this splitting up, this dual-ity take place? It can only and ever happen in imagination and no where else. In reality, nothing has happened - oh, what a beauty!
Hi Claudia - sounds like some frustrating fun...who cares? No one, that's who!
No one cares, baf! Ha ha, like you said - "that nothingness that is reality is a big bummer for the persona"
Hi Suzanne,
I have watched all of your Youtube clips over the last couple of nights and spent the whole time smiling to myself. What a wee breath of fresh air you are!
I love the fact that you don't pretend to have all of the answers and that sometimes you struggle to find something to say.
There's nothing to say, nothing to teach, nothing to do. But yet saying, teaching and doing appears to go on. What a hoot!
Love Lisa
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