It Must Be An Answer Of Most Monstrous Size That Must Fit All Demands.

FAQ

I can't know what to seek if I don't know what it is I'm seeking in the first place.

Whatever form the mind projects onto seeking, making it an object or objective, what always is sought is home; what is sought is whatever is missing. Whatever is missing is often given a convenient name, like "happiness" or "security" or "truth". But what is sought is always this: to be an integral part of creation, rather than a lonely, separate, fearful, boxed-in, limited prisoner of ourselves.

If I'm sad, I seek happiness. It's easy to take the thing that needs to be changed, figure out its opposite, and then do what you have to do to get it. But I'm not sad anymore; I just want more. There is something more and I can't get away from it. To tell you the truth, I can't define what it is that makes me want more. If I can't define that then I have no idea what to look for.

That inchoate (unspecific) longing is simply the desire to belong, to come home, to no longer be a separate person.

What is enlightenment?

The realisation that everything is awareness, made manifest for the mere joy of it. There is only awareness, oneness, one unified whole; the appearance and ego are just here so that awareness can apprehend itself.

What do I really want?

To feel that there is nothing missing.

I seek enlightenment, yet I really don't have any idea what that is. What I am really looking for the thing most important to me more than anything else, is inner peace. For some reason I got the idea that enlightenment is a sense of deep and abiding peace. But does it really matter if I am "enlightened" As long as I have the peace I want that's all that matters, right?

"Enlightenment" doesn't guarantee "inner peace" because turmoil is a part of Everything too. However if the ego isn't taken seriously by itself anymore, many of the reasons for turmoil are moot, because the ego-structure doesn't have to bear its remarkable case of mistaken identity anymore; it doesn't have that huge burden of being All.

And it doesn't matter if you are enlightened. In fact, what you probably know as you - the ego structure - can't be enlightened. Enlightenment is seeing through the ego. And nothing matters; there is no meaning; the appearance, reality manifest, is play. Simply play. Meaningless play, where every apparent manifestation is a miraculous feat of existence.

Now that I know what I most desire, I'm still wondering what I am actually looking for. What is the opposite of this vague "wanting more"? What is enlightenment?

Put another way, the opposite of "wanting more" is seeing that whatever is, is enough...more than enough...whole and complete, just as it is, whatever it is.

Is it abiding inner peace?

It is simply seeing what is, and there is nothing that finds it wanting.

Is it detachment?

It is direct presence, without taking the machinations of the mind, thoughts, and ego-concerns too seriously. You are always in direct presence of absolute reality; in fact, you are absolute reality. Perhaps more intense than detached, although detachment can come up just like everything else.

Is it Oneness with All?

You are already Oneness with All. In fact, you are All.

Knowing oneself to be God?

Maybe God is a difficult concept, with a lot of baggage. Perhaps knowing yourself to be the whole Universe, both creator and creation, is a slightly better way of putting it.

Is there a point to seeking?

Not exactly. There is no point to anything, other than its intrinsic value in simple existence.

The only reason we seek for anything in the first place is because we think it will get us somewhere. It's completely the Ego!

The ego is just doing its job. The ego might like to grab hold of Totality and keep it, but Totality is too much for it.

The ego says "I need to feel better and this enlightenment stuff will make me feel better."

Maybe the ego can say "Ya know, I can bear not feeling better. Not feeling better is just fine." And with that, perhaps there is acceptance, and letting go...the ego can perhaps let go of itself. And the ego can also go right ahead and do its job, negotiating through the convenience of time and its story. The story might change to something "better", or it might not. But a full, whole and complete human existence is certainly always available. The "bad stuff" is seen perhaps not as something to be avoided, and not exactly enjoyed...but appreciated, even relished. And certainly, there can be a lot less fear.

I get fed up with the Advaita stuff.

It is frustrating, the futility of Oneness not being able to see itself because it already is Itself. But what's wrong with frustration?

So what is the question?

Maybe the question is: why do I have to feel "better"?

Whatever the question, the answer is always the same...
This. Is. It.

See The Metaphysical Junkie for the inspiration for this post.